These 12 Fountains Look Pretty...Until You Realize Something Is Really Weird

Fountains are always nice to spend time around in any park. There’s something about the sound of slowly trickling water that I find quite calming.

What’s not tranquil at all is the fact that every fountain I see almost always features a little boy peeing. Why is this? When did we associate picnicking with a grade schooler taking out his pecker? Here are some of the most distracting fountains from around the world.

Someone give that baby a bag to puke in. Also, clothes.

I guess this is what a pissing contest would look like.

Starting to notice a running theme with some of these statues.

This is the problem with making dude-shaped fountains. There’s only one place for the water to come out.

Ok, this isn’t much better.

Statues party hard, ya’ll.

This poses questions about mermaid anatomy that I never wanted to ask.

Cheery as always, Wales has made a fountain with water the color of blood.

Just once I want to see a fountain that features a fully clothed boy peeing into a toilet like he was raised to do.

This fountain is perfect for decorating the swampy hideout for your Legion of Doom.

Come on down to the Crown Fountain in Chicago, where you too can feel like you’re being spat on by Zordon from Power Rangers.

I don’t even know what’s going on with this fountain. I don’t think I’m on enough acid to understand what’s going on here.

I dunno, maybe I’m just an old fashioned guy, but whatever happened to our fountains being fountain-shaped? Is that, like, not a thing anymore, or are we onto the whole “going to the bathroom” phase of art?

These 12 Fountains Look Pretty...Until You Realize Something Is Really Weird